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Bad Friday

March 30, 2008 by Lauren 34 Comments

Swanky!  My mites pay for that.

Alright, I’m telling my scabies story. I held off because the very day I found out the diagnosis was when the pie thing started up, and nobody wants to read about pies baked by a leper.

Here’s the deal: I’ve had an itchy, bumpy elbow for a couple of months. It wasn’t a big deal, but every so often it would bother me. I was pretty sure that it was just eczema, but I needed a doctor to tell me if my trying to sand off my elbow in the shower was the right/wrong thing to do. (I went to a dermatologist, to make sure I wasn’t jepordizing my chances to be an elbow model.)

My appointment was on Good Friday, and Lloyd and I joked ahead of time how I would go in and say, “Give it to me straight, Doc. I can take it – it’s elbow cancer, isn’t it?” Mind you, I was super-sure it was eczema. The doctor and I visited about life for a bit, then he looked at my elbow and said, “That looks like a classic case of scabies.”

“What’s that?” I asked.

“A parasitic mite that burrows under your skin and blah blah blah.” I didn’t hear a word after ‘skin’ because I was about to pass out. When I regained my senses he was prescribing a poison lotion and telling me, “Be sure to wash your bedding.” “Wash it? I’m gonna burn it.” I replied.

So anyway, I’ve spent the past week dousing my body with poison, washing everything I own more than he recommended, and feeling like a pariah. The only way it could be worse is if I had head lice. If I ever, ever get lice, I’ll have to shave my head.

Filed Under: Journal, Lauren

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Brad says

    March 31, 2008 at 3:56 am

    Nothing like the jibblies to wake you up in the morning. That shot of adrenaline will help me get ready for my first day of school after spring break. Thanks!

    Reply
  2. Karla says

    March 31, 2008 at 5:12 am

    How on earth do you get scabies?!? I thought that had gone the way of small pox and only samples existed at the CDC! Oh, wait, that explains it…

    Are you going to get the cats checked out?

    Reply
    • Brad says

      March 31, 2008 at 5:29 am

      I missed it earlier, but I see you suggested your universal solution in regard to your bedding: To light it on fire. hehe

      And now you can worry about your cats too! Ha! Will you be lighting them on fire?

      Reply
    • Lauren says

      March 31, 2008 at 5:29 am

      I’m glad you asked, since I’ve recently become an expert on scabies. There are different kinds, and it is a surprisingly common problem. It can be spread by skin-to-skin contact, and is common in hospitals and child-care facilities. (Ding ding ding) Mind you, I am the first known case in the thirteen years I’ve been doing this. (So one of my children is an as-yet unknown. Hey, you have to hold them when they cry.)

      The cats are safe, since different kinds of mites affect people and animals. Lloyd is safe, too.

      Reply
      • Lauren says

        March 31, 2008 at 5:30 am

        Hey, you can’t reply when I’m carefully crafting a thoughtful answer!

        Reply
      • Karla says

        March 31, 2008 at 5:51 am

        Hehehe I read that as “You have to hold them until they cry.”

        Reply
  3. Meredith says

    March 31, 2008 at 6:43 am

    Wow, I had heard of scabies before but I thought it was some silly that my husband made up (he does that sometimes)! I wouldn’t have really thought anything about having your before picture, but man, now I’m going to look at every itchy spot differently!

    Reply
  4. Kristi says

    March 31, 2008 at 6:47 am

    This is the very kind of post that makes me feel itchy and scratchy all over. Excuse me, please, but I need to go check my head for lice now.

    Reply
  5. Karla says

    March 31, 2008 at 8:05 am

    Okay, so you’ve been putting a poison lotion on your elbow. Does that mean you now have scabie carcasses under your skin?

    Reply
  6. Annette says

    March 31, 2008 at 8:11 am

    Do you remember where you were when Neil Armstrong walked on the moon, when Kennedy was shot, when the Challenger exploded, when the Berlin Wall came down and when Lauren was diagnosed with scabies???? I was shopping at Mall of America in Bloomingdales, and if you know me and “germs” it was all I could do to try on clothes someone else may have before me..ooooooooo, scabies!

    Reply
  7. Rev. Todd Peperkorn says

    March 31, 2008 at 8:21 am

    So why is Lloyd safe? Is he a different kind of animal?

    Reply
    • Lloyd says

      March 31, 2008 at 10:28 am

      Ad added bonus of drafting Albert Pujols is immunity to all parasites.

      Reply
  8. Stephen Tvedten says

    March 31, 2008 at 8:24 am

    You can safely and effectively kill lice with salt water or a sauna -- learn how to kill lice without killing yourself or the earth……

    The head louse (Pediculus humanus capitas) (DeGeer), the body louse (Pediculus humanus humanus) (Linnaeus) and the crab louse (Pthirus pubis) (Linnaeus) all occur on humans. All three cause considerable skin irritation as they feed on human blood or crawl on the body.

    Human lice can establish and maintain themselves only on humans. A louse cannot hop or jump. They can, however, crawl fast. They are usually transmitted only through close personal contact. They are less frequently transmitted through the sharing of personal articles or toilet seats. For head lice, this includes combs, brushes and other grooming aids, hats, headbands, helmets, caps, headrests, wigs, curlers or other headgear, especially when these items are stored in shared lockers. They spread or infest by crawling, they live by biting and sucking blood from the scalp and can survive for up to 48 hours off a human head, and the nits on a hair shaft can survive from 4 -- 10 days -- so vacuum thoroughly and/or spray/clean with diluted Safe Solutions, Inc. Enzyme Cleaner with Peppermint.

    Important Note: Pediculicide POISONS do not remove nits and are dangerous. Among the reactions to poison shampoo or lice “treatments” are seizures, mental retardation, many different allergies and respiratory problems, strange tingling, burning, itching, attention deficit disorders, brain tumors, leukemia, cancer and death.

    I have used a sauna and/or salt water to safely and effectiely kill lice (but the nits remain).

    I have also used ½ oz. of Safe Solutions, Inc. Lice R Gone® Enzyme Shampoo and/or their Enzyme Cleaner with Peppermint per shampoo-type application to safely remove both lice and nits in a few minutes. These non-poisonous enzyme shampoos make the hair so slick lice and nits can’t stick and lice can not live off the body for very long.

    If you are still having lice problems, read the latest chapter http://www.thebestcontrol2.com.

    Reply
    • Karla says

      March 31, 2008 at 11:13 am

      Don’t do this, Lauren. I want to see you with a shaved head. 😉

      Reply
      • Lauren says

        March 31, 2008 at 11:20 am

        Let me make it very clear that I do NOT have lice. Repeat: Do NOT have lice.

        Reply
        • Deborah says

          March 31, 2008 at 1:24 pm

          Only one bug infestation at a time. Right, Lauren?

          Reply
  9. Deanne says

    March 31, 2008 at 2:52 pm

    I’ve had scabies. I slept in a lovely, cheap hotel in a little town in Colombia that apparently wasn’t really careful about their sheets. Or their guests. It took months to get rid of.

    Reply
    • Lauren says

      March 31, 2008 at 3:28 pm

      Ahhhh!!!! Don’t say months!!!! I’m paranoid enough as it is!!!

      Reply
  10. Lauren's dad says

    March 31, 2008 at 4:24 pm

    I wonder if old, old remedies, like turpentine or kerosene, killed scabies. Probably cheaper than Rx poisons.

    Reply
    • Lauren says

      March 31, 2008 at 4:36 pm

      Plus it has the added bonus of perhaps catching me on fire! I do love fire, y’know.

      Reply
  11. Lauren's dad says

    March 31, 2008 at 5:13 pm

    Ah, roasted scabies?

    Reply
    • Lauren says

      March 31, 2008 at 5:17 pm

      Sounds delicious.

      Reply
  12. Kristi says

    March 31, 2008 at 7:57 pm

    I feel the need to wash our sheets (not a pyro, like Lauren) and perhaps vacuum our mattresses, too. Can’t… stop… the… scratching….

    Reply
    • Lauren says

      March 31, 2008 at 8:16 pm

      That’s how it starts……

      Just kidding. Mites can’t live in Foster.

      Reply
      • Kristi says

        March 31, 2008 at 9:13 pm

        The number of mites probably outnumbers the people population (Foster -- 57).

        Reply
  13. Cousin Sam says

    March 31, 2008 at 8:35 pm

    Lauren, what you need to do to get rid of your three types of lices (louses) is get your head real close to a hardwood floor and beat on one side of your head to dislodge your head lice (Lauren’s Head Lice- LHL). Go ahead and post any picture of Lloyd you want and we’ll know were those blood sucking varmin live- heck with his usually hair pile he can’t tell he gots them LHLs anyway. By the way, the LHLs reproduce by Ma………

    Reply
  14. Cousin Sam says

    March 31, 2008 at 8:37 pm

    Dang, almost forgot you have to squeal like a pig too.

    Reply
  15. Cousin Sam says

    March 31, 2008 at 8:38 pm

    You can also get rid of hiccups this way

    Reply
  16. Cousin Sam says

    March 31, 2008 at 8:40 pm

    The above comment should have the word “high” after usually. Lloyd, is there anyway you can give me access to my comments to edit them- my typing stinks.

    Reply
  17. Cousin Sam says

    March 31, 2008 at 8:42 pm

    Five comments in a row! On Thurday last week I bowled 5 strikes in a row. Ended with a 177 on 9 frames (1hr time limit). Enough about me- We were talking about Lauren’s Head Lice LHL.

    Reply
    • Lauren says

      March 31, 2008 at 9:22 pm

      Can it, mister, or I’m mailing you some scabies.

      Reply
  18. Cousin Sam says

    March 31, 2008 at 10:11 pm

    Are you sure that’s tennis elbow? It looks like standard bar fight elbow with maybe a dash of arm wrestling fungus mixed it for good measure.

    Reply
    • Cousin Sam says

      March 31, 2008 at 10:16 pm

      See Lloyd, “…fungus mixed it for good measure.” What the heck? ‘it’ should be ‘in’ Stupid fat fingers! Ubber geek can’t you make so I can talk to this ‘tupid thing. On second thought, I don’t talk or think that well either, or is it either.

      Reply
      • Lauren says

        April 1, 2008 at 5:22 am

        I think it’s that you’re so wicked clever, your hands can’t keep up with your brain. Let’s go with that.

        Reply

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