If you’re going to hold your own anytime soon, allow me to present a few Lessons Learned from ours:

• Advertise under “garage sales” in the paper instead of “computers”. You’ll hit your target audience better.
• Do not go from 9:00am until 5:00pm. You’ll have as many customers in the first 10 minutes as the last 5 hours. 9:00am until noon really seems about right
• We’ve been advertising that everything will be half price in the afternoon. I don’t know if this is really effective. I think some people think (a) they will come back, but forget or (b) that maybe what you’re selling is only worth half as much as you’re selling it for.
• It took 64 man-hours to get ready for the sale, but students (and alumni) did most of this. They are motivated to do a good job because they get half of the profit.
• Do not sell anything at all to the annoying guy who tries to get you to lower the price on everything and get a discount for buying a lot of items. If your prices are right, someone else will buy them.
• If you have too much to sell, stack them behind the tables and bring them out as things sell. Note: there will not actually be time to do this.
• Remember to order lunch.
• Write down (preferably in a sort of treasure map) where you’ve stashed things during the year.
• Price things to move. The very worst outcome is to have to store things for another year.

The event was deemed a success. We grossed something like $1,500.00, and everything went pretty smoothly. We couldn’t lock the doors this time, because NHS was doing something or other, so we had some early birds wandering in, but that seemed to work out okay.

*Used here in more of a sort of hopeful sense, rather than a strictly chronological one.

Lloyd: “I’ll need to get another one, unless you want to refill this one.”

Then he chuckled, like it was funny. Then he got quiet, and looked at me fearfully.

Lloyd: “You’re going to do it, aren’t you?”

Of course I was going to do it, and I did it.

Let’s all get past the ‘mama bird barfing into the mouth of the baby bird’ imagery that this conjures up, and congratulate me on getting .85 ounces into that little tube without squirting 2.3 ounces all over our hideously pink countertop. It was surprisingly easy, and while I might try it once again, I think that after two refills the integrity of the smaller tube might suffer and burst along one of the sides. Only time will tell.

Anyway, tonight I found a way to make it even more healthy! You’ll need the concentrate, a frozen strawberry and a stick blender – preferably one that is permanently stained from making curry.

Drop the berry.

Soften it up with a bit o’ lemonade..

Get ready for some whirlin’.

Whirl away!

Re-constitute and enjoy.

Take that, Red Robin. I have your delicious lemonade right here!

(I really just left these directions so Lloyd would know how to make his own glass.)

It’s a win-win all around:
1. It’s cheaper this way.
2. I’m not buying more plastic. (I’ve used the same bottle over & over for almost a year.)
3. I can tweak the recipe. (Add a splash of balsamic vinegar, and use olive oil for half the oil. Don’t try to use ALL olive oil, or it will solidify into a brick when you refrigerate it. Trust me on that one. You shake and shake the bottle but it only separates into fatty globs that melt slightly on your salad and are rather nasty to eat. Hey, haven’t I broken some serious parenthetical rules?).

I’m sure there are good recipes out there for homemade dressings, but I bet you can’t drink them.

Well, looking back on the whole thing – shame on me. I know that they are not completely forthright with their ‘deals’. Lloyd said he was almost out of soap, so I stopped in to buy some. We usually buy the 8-bar pack for $4-something, but right beside it was a 7-bar pack for $3-something! I got out my phone, spent three minutes trying to find the calculator function, then another three trying to remember which number to divide into the other one (math is hard), and then triumphantly deduced that I would be paying 42 cents a bar for the 7-pack, but a whopping 55 cents for the 8-pack. Pleased with my real-life word problem success, I took it home.

Um, I am an idiot.

These are tiny little bars!!!! 3.2 ounces as opposed to the 4.5 ounces in the 8-pack!! Grrrrrrrr….. I spent more on my ‘deal’. (14 cents an ounce as opposed to 11.)

Drat those evil masterminds at Wal*Mart and their unethical math wizardry. I’ll be returning my soap.

That led, or so I’m told, to needing some new furniture in the living room to house said purchases. Fortunately, this was accomplished with some re-purposing rather than purchasing. Unfortunately, the bookshelf didn’t have holes for cables, so we just put the cable box and DVD player on the floor under the shelf. This worked, but we had to aim the remote over the trunk, and that became annoying quickly.

Lauren had an extra shelf in the basement (I know, don’t ask me) and rather than drill holes for supports we managed to find some of those yellow cylindrical blocks to hold one shelf above the other. I took a Dremel to the back on the bookcase. It was literally like cutting through cardboard; mostly because it was literally cutting through cardboard. Nothing but the best for us.

I remember telling someone five or six years ago that I never wanted to be the kind of person who spends $2,500.00 on a television. It turns out that I don’t mind being the kind of person who spends $550.00 on a television. That’s probably about what we spent on our last one 15 years ago. Hmmm, we might have spent less on this one after adjusting for inflation (which I like to do in my spare time).

“So what’s a Snow Icee?” I hear you ask. (I don’t really hear you -my telepathic powers are nowhere near that strong yet.) Well, a Snow Icee is Lloyd’s little invention, different from his previous Icee experiment.

Step one: Find some clean snow. Fresh snow is best, but you can dig down in the back of the truck a couple of inches and that should be some good stuff.

Step two: Fill your cup full of snow, add 1/2 can of pop, then stir. Keep adding snow and pop until out of pop. Watch your ratios, kids.

Step last: Drink. Mmmmm… a frozen wonder from your own backyard.

Oh, and the back was interesting too…

I stared at TVs for a long time the first night, but didn’t buy anything. I wanted to do a little more research. The next day, we ended-up getting one from the clearance section that wasn’t there the first night. It’s a return. The reason for return? “Didn’t fit. Wrong size.” In my experience that means buyer’s remorse. It’s smaller than I thought I wanted, but once we got it home, I’m glad we didn’t get anything bigger. It’s a model that Consumer Reports recommended. To christen it we watched Slumdog Millionaire.

Oh, and Lauren got some birthday gambling in. She broke even, but I cost us $10.

Everywhere else on the planet, Queen Anne Cordials come in boxes of 12 (that could hold 24 if their packaging wasn’t so terrible). But at the Wal*marts they come in boxes – boxes of exactly the same size, mind you – with only 10 in them. They are only $1.25 for a box of 10, but come on. Would it kill them to use the industry standard box of 12 for $1.50?

But wait, it gets worse. You can also buy, as I did, a double size box for $2.96. The double size box wouldn’t be a bad deal, except that it has 20 chocolate covered cherries in it instead of 24 (again, like everywhere else in the world).

Yeah, I bought the big box for $2.96 when I should have bought two of the smaller boxes for $2.50. Wal*mart, you’re not making any friends here.

I’ve never used to use lotion on my legs regularly, but we got a giant bottle a while ago from a box of stuff from Lloyd’s uncle and I used it. Turns out it makes your legs less scaly. Who knew?

Anyway, when I was nearing the end of the first bottle, I was mad because the pump stopped working and obviously there was a lot left in there. I tried all the gimmicks to eek out the contents – shaking, wiping the sides with the pump stick, I even contemplated making a tiny spatula – then I just cut it open. I thought I was being quite ingenious, considering I got two more week’s worth of lotion out of there, but apparently people have been doing this for ages. Consumer Reports says that 25 – 33% of mustard, lotion, toothpaste, conditioner, etc. is left behind in the bottle.

Well, not around here, CR. Not around here.

Package 3 was a carpeted heating mat. I got Lloyd some hot feet! Cozy Toes! Roasty-toasty tootises! Heated heels! Enough!

In a fit of frenzied buying at the beginning of the school year, I ordered a heating mat for Lloyd to keep at his computer desk. He’s right by the window and doesn’t want any part of my crazy heat-providing contraptions. “My monitor will keep me warm,” he insists. Well, I know his comfort level better than he does – I am a woman, after all – so I ordered something anyway.

A few weeks ago I thought, “Hey. Where’s that heated mat?” I checked my Amazon account and I had ordered it with an old credit card and the order had been canceled. Was that enough to make me stop and say, “Hey – maybe you don’t really need that”? Heck, no! I re-ordered it!

And here it is. Again, much like the sock-mocking, once he tried it, he loved it.

I have re-purposed the heating panel from the kotatsu disaster, too. Let’s be honest – I don’t watch t.v. anymore. I park myself on this stool and sit here until it’s time to go to bed. And now I have hot knees! Cozy calves! Shmoking shins! Seriously! Stop!

I’ve been doing some internet searches for cheap-o winter ideas, and there are several folks out there who say that bubble wrap can significantly increase the R-value of old windows. (‘R’ stands for ‘Ridiculous’, in this case.)

So, I tried a test bit on the lower half of one of our bathroom windows this weekend. I’m not sure about it’s R-value, but it did keep shower steam from condensing on the cold pane and dripping down to the sill. Last year we had an embarrassing mildew problem due to the sheets curtains I hung up. Water would condense, freeze, then drip slowly and wreck the wood. (*sigh* I’d better get rid of this website if we ever decide to sell this house.) I’ve tried running a little fan so far this fall, but it can’t keep up with the moisture.

So I put bubble wrap on the rest of the bathroom windows tonight. Until we can get new windows, this is definitely worth the experiment!

So, Quiana, I’m really sorry that you went to Japan and saw a real kotatsu table in action, because this post is going to be really, really embarrassing.

We all know I like to dabble, right? That I like to experience things in the fastest, cheapest, least-effort-expended way possible, right? Well, last winter I came across articles about kotatsu tables, low Japanese tables heated from underneath (by coals or an electrical source), then covered by a comforter to keep the heat in. Apparently central heating is iffy in Japan (really?), so this would be where families would gather during chilly evenings, their legs bathed in cozy warmth.

I am all about that! Chilly evenings are Experiment Central around here! Lloyd nixed the coal idea (some ‘safety’ issue), and I knew that using a heat lamp would just result in cut-up knees for me, so that left using a heat panel. Cozy Winters makes one, but it’s too pricey for something to just goof around with.

Enter the surplus auction from a couple of weeks ago. Woo-hoo!! They had one, and Lloyd got it for two bucks!!! On Monday night I had a free half hour between sitcoms (Yay for new television being on!), so I cobbled together a terrible table out of some particle board, three pieces of closet rod,a piece of stair railing and four almost-too-short screws. (Why do I have a piece of stair railing? Anyone? Anyone?)

It is wobbly, dangerous, and deliciously warm. Bring on the cold!

Winter’s coming, and that means I need sweaters.

Admittedly, I have absolutely no sense of style. I’m doing pretty well to leave the house in pants and a shirt – never mind if they ‘go’. I’ve tried to stick with mostly solid colors (which my stylish sister-in-law tells me is a good strategy) but that’s where my knowledge ends. No cool jackets or whatever, very little layering, and I don’t know how to accessorize, except with stains.

Anyhow, I’ve been shopping for sweaters lately, and have limited my one criteria to ‘wool’. To make it more challenging, I’m only looking at thrift stores. That may shock you, but it has really streamlined the process. I go through the rack, and the criteria are:
Wool? No – Go to next sweater. Yes – Stop.
Solid color? No – Go to next sweater. Yes – Stop.
My size? Who cares? It costs four bucks. Get it.

So, I have two sweaters with this system. One that is very cute and one that has a strong 80′s military vibe goin’ on. Should that be a new criteria? “Looks like it could be worn by Joan Jett?”

On to the lame-o post:

That’s right, I’m taking someone else’s genius and using it for my own post. Tired people get to do stuff like that.

This wondrous woman has caused me to chop up a bunch of my shirts. I keep a couple at school for when I’m too chilly, and better than a sweater or sweatshirt because they’re so small I can stuff them in my bag when walking home.

She’s brilliant.

Yep, not even a photo. Sorry, folks.

Let me tell you a couple highlights of Saturday. Work, work, work, work, then a Quick Trip to Lincoln* to go to Hobby Lobby for teacher supplies, because they’re closed on Sunday.

On the way there, there was a turtle crossing the highway. I drove past it, kept driving, then guilt grabbed the wheel and I turned around to make sure it was going to be ok. As I approached, I saw a driver going the opposite way do the exact same thing. We each stopped on the shoulders, watched our turtle friend cross safely, waved at each other, then turned around to go our separate ways. See – I’m not the only crazy person in the world.

In other news, I bought a new Comfy Chair for my room. Lloyd has been badgering me for years to replace it, but it’s tough to find a small, low, non-rocking, non-swiveling chair for a reasonable price (if you’re super-cheap like me). That Comfy Chair and its twin were purchased eleven years ago for the total price of ten bucks! I’d swap them out when the one in the classroom looked too ratty, and eventually my standard of ‘ratty’ sank lower and lower. It was time.

I was fully prepared to cough up hundreds of dollars, but I stopped by Lincoln’s weirdest used furniture store (which I’ll have to post about someday), and got a great deal! Woo-hoo!

*(Hey Brad – round trip was 2 1/2 hours. Not bad, eh?)

It’s a miracle! From little seeds on my windowsill to something that will aggravate my stomach but be so, so worth it.

There’s one that might be ripe enough to taste tomorrow, and another closely behind. Hopefully they won’t taste like compost and old rainwater, but hey – I’ll take what I can get.

They’re doing much better than the cucumbers, which have produced one edible specimen and one that looks like a balloon that a wheezy grandpa gave up trying to inflate. I guess making that gigantic ladder was a bit of wishful thinking, eh?

We spent a little while in the morning talking about how to pick parts for a computer and where to buy them. Then we looked at a couple of computers that some of us had recently put together. Then we had pizza. I view the pizza as the most vital part of any successful geekfest.

After Pizza was accomplished we broke into teams of two and I walked them through how to put all of the pieces together. Once we had build one in a step-by-step fashion they went to town on the others. Our very talented alumni put the assembled computers through their paces and set some settings in the BIOS.

I think I have been away from our students for too long. I couldn’t believe how helpful and intelligent they were. When we were finished and were just cleaning up several of them came up to me and said, “What else can I do to help?” And after one of the students asked me what to do with the completed computers and I said, “I guess take them back to the Mac lab.”, he replied, “Why don’t I take them to the PC lab. That way you don’t have to move them later?” The PC lab was about 3 times further away.